Ok I am way frustrated right now because I wrote this entire thing, then my computer mysteriously turned off, and I lost it all. So now I'm going to have to rewrite it. Here I go. Part two of "Concerning the Turkish"

The first thing you have to understand about Antonia and Katharina is that they are two of the funniest people I've ever known. Upon meeting, we hit it off immediately, and have talked by internet and telephone with some frequency ever since. One day we three decided to go to the zoo by way of train. Funny that it worked out that I have a story about a zoo to tell on the day we all are going to one, isn't it? Whatevs, so Hamburg had a pretty big and famous zoo, mainly because of their elephants. It was famous because there were so many of the goddam things. An interesting thing about zoos in Europe, is that you're allowed to feed a lot of the animals. The famous elephants at this zoo could even do a trick. There'd be a zookeeper standing next to them, you could offer it a Mark (coin), it would take the money in its trunk, hand it to the trainer, then receive a treat. I was really looking forward to doing this again (this particular trip was easily my third time visiting this zoo already), but when we got there, there were no keepers around. I was pretty disappointed, even though we'd brought a sack of old breads to feed them too. So I ended up deciding to offer an elephant some money anyway -- just to see what it would do. It just sort of stood there and stared at me for a minute, but eventually walked across the compound and hid the Mark behind a bush. They say that elephants never forget, and I've always wondered if he was saving it. A bit later there was a Turkish dude spraying a hose in some animal area. I guess he was cleaning or something. He looked up and we three were staring at him like he was some sort of animal attraction or something. We began giggling like a bunch of school girls and first of all I don't know why I remember that and second, I have no fucking clue as to why I thought it'd be a good idea to tell you. So I got pretty sidetracked there, sorry. But like I was saying, we decided to go to the zoo by way of train. We had only been on the subway for a few minutes when I saw Toto (Antonia) had a strange look on her face. It only took me like less than a second to see why. Something smelled -- like shit. So we three got a bang out of this because evidently some goon had taken a shit on the train. Realize that these are really nice subways -- super modern and spotlessly clean, so it was pretty out of place. But then there was this three or four year old kid, jumping up and on his seat yelling about how he had to pee. Now this made us laugh even harder because obviously this little dork had shit his pants or something, the entire car could smell it, and his mother and grandmother were just conversing, completely ignoring the little dweeb. They were Turkish by the way. So at the next stop, we three left the car and ran to another one. We sat down and I noticed a pretty alarmed look on Kat's face. She explained that a couple of Turkish guys had "followed us" off the last car and onto this one. See, she always had the most peculiar fear of Turkish men. I mean she's pretty neurotic though. I heard that when she was a little girl, her brother told her that if she ever dated a Turkish dude, he'd beat the shit out of him. I learned later, by the way, that when she was quite a bit younger, she had been sort of violated by some Turkish guys at a club in the red light district, so her fear was reasonably understandable I guess. I don't know what was up with her brother though -- dude sounds racist. So anyway she's getting all nervous like, and we notice that the train hasn't moved yet. A few minutes pass and we see a worker (Turkish) run by with a bucket and cleaning supplies to the car we'd just left. Some more time passes and we're on our way. We had to transfer trains at one point, and when we get off the train, those two Turkish guys do as well. I can see that Kat's getting way nervous about it. We're standing on this platform, waiting for the next train to come, and you know how some American women think Mexican guys have a staring problem? Well it's like that with Hamburg girls and Turkish dudes -- so yeah, they were looking at her a little bit. So she's scared. The train finally comes and we get on it, and they get in the same car as us. She's scared. I swear it looks like she's going to cry. She takes her cellphone out of her purse, enables the passcode, and powers it off -- in case it was stolen she didn't want it to be used. So finally we get to our stop, we get off the train, go to the zoo, and that's the end of the story. Guess you had to be there.

Nate: Yes we're going -- and so are the Playgirls.