I have a crippling fear of the future. I'm not really scared of death. In fact, most of the time I think I'm just biding my time waiting for it. I am afraid something terrible is going to happen though. I'm afraid I'll be in an accident and wind up paralized or unable to form thoughts more than 2 words long. I'm afraid I'll be horribly disfigured or end up terminal. I'm afraid that life as I know it will take a turn for the worse.
So I try to rush through things and make the most of everything right now, to a fault. I don't really give a shit what happens tomorrow. I don't really care if I have all the peices today to build the scenarios I want, I try to make things happen anyway.
I've been thinking about learning survival skills. I think we'll find ourself fighting each other for food in our lifetime.
It has been more than a week since I've smoked a cigarette.